


Uncomfortable Silence

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack Pairing, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-09
Updated: 2011-11-14
Packaged: 2017-10-24 10:57:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 13,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/262694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The man comes home one night to find the girl in his living room.<br/>My own semi-Humanstuck AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Surprise

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Homestuck](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/4904) by Andrew Hussie. 



> My first fanfiction! Any comments will be greatly appreciated.

A lanky, disheveled man ascends a staircase to the main floor of a brownstone house on a dark street, lined with trees and streetlights. He opens the front door and walks into the dim hallway, swinging the door shut behind him. He makes the first right, into the living room, and sees and unusual sight before him.

NePeTa? WhAt ArE yOu DoInG hErE?

A small girl in an oversized army-green jacket sits in the middle of the floor in a puddle of yellow light coming from the street outside a window. She is clutching a half-finished bottle of red soda, with several more bottles littered around her. There are also many empty pie tins surrounding her.

:33 oh, *hiccup* hi gamz33… *hiccup*  
SiS? WhAt'S gOiNg On?

The man drops his bag and sits next to the girl, scooping her into his lap. He clutches her tightly, with a worried look on his face. The girl immediately starts to doze, comfortable in his arms. The man takes the soda from her, and drinks the rest. It calms him, but only slightly.

:33 i was *hiccup* hungry, and you always *hiccup* have food. i came *hiccup* over, and you weren't *hiccup* home… so i decided to *hiccup* wait for you… gamz33?  
WhAt Is It, SiS?  
:33 how do you *hiccup* drink this stuff? it *hiccup* makes me woozy…

The man chuckles, but the worried look remains plastered on his face. The girl slumps in his arms. He picks her up and places her gently on one of the few pieces on furniture in the room, an old, patched sofa. He begins to leave the room, but turns around at the doorway.

NePeTa? I'lL bE rIgHt BaCk, OkAy?  
:33 *hiccup* okay… wait, gamz33?  
YeAh?  
:33 i *hiccup*… i think i love you…

The man chuckles again, but this time out of surprise. He makes his way to another small room, a cramped bathroom with a large mirror above a stained sink. He looks at himself in the mirror, assessing his features. He has a long face, with shallow cheeks and a narrow nose. His saffron eyes, with their indigo pupils, sit under a sloping forehead. Slightly smudged gray makeup covers most of his face. He quickly washes away the paint, revealing deep diagonal scars stretching from under his left eye to his right cheek. He straightens up, and sighs at his reflection. Oh, Nepeta, he thinks. Who are you, really?

He quickly walks back to the living room, where the girl is lying on the couch. She hears his heavy boots against the polished floor, and opens one eye to watch him.

HeY, nEpEtA?  
:33 yeah, gamz33?  
I'm GoNnA gO tO bEd. I'lL bE iN tHe OtHeR rOoM iF yOu NeEd Me.  
:33 okay… *hiccup*

The man turns into the hallway, towards his bedroom. His mind is swimming. She loves him? After what he did to everyone? He deserves these scars. He deserves pain and so much more, but he gets forgiveness. And love. These feelings confuse him.

He reaches his bedroom. The largest piece of furniture is an ebony 4-poster bed pushed into a corner. A desk, cluttered, with a lamp, takes up another side of the room. The closet is almost empty, and a pile of dirty clothes sits in one corner near the door. A large window takes up most of the far wall, providing a view of a nearby park. The bed is made, hospital corners and all, a reflection on the man's childhood at boarding school. He sighs and takes of his shoes, shedding his jacket and t-shirt at the same time, and throwing his cast-off clothing into a pile. He climbs into bed by the light from the window, sighs, and closes his eyes.

A while later, he awakens suddenly. There is a shadowy figure in the doorway.

:33 hey, gamz33?  
Oh, NeP, iT's YoU. yOu ScArEd ThE cRaP oUt Of Me.  
:33 oh, sorry. gamz33, can i sleep with you? your house is cold.  
UmMm, SuRe, I gUeSs…

The girl rubs her eyes with her fists, and makes her way across the room and into the bed. She curls up next to him in a cat-like fashion, quickly dozing off. The man stares at her for a second, unsure of this new development. He lies back down, and whispers quietly to himself.

I tHiNk I lOvE yOu ToO, nEpEtA.


	2. Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She awakes in s strange room. What has happened?

A shaft of sunlight streams through the window, illuminating the room. The man opens his eyes, props himself up on one elbow, and wipes his chin. The girl is still sleeping, albeit fitfully. As if in a trance, she rolls over to face him. Her eyes are shut tight, and the man can see one of her pointed canine teeth through her grimace. She has a round face, with a small nose and full cheeks. Her delicate brow is knit together in concentration, or possibly frustration. Suddenly, her features change. Her lips relax into a soft o-shape, and her forehead uncreases. She slowly opens her large, round eyes, revealing grass-green pupils. She blinks and yawns, then notices the man beside her. She grins sheepishly, and the man grins back, a wild, manic grin.

:33 oh, hi gamz33… umm… what happened last night?  
Oh, YoU jUsT sNuCk InTo My HoUsE wHiLe I wAs GoNe AnD gOt HiGh FrOm SoPoR aNd FaYgO. I CaMe BaCk AnD fOuNd YoU aLmOsT aSlEeP iN mY LiViNg RoOm.  
:33 oh, that. i'm sorry, gamz33. i didn't mean too.

The man chuckles, and the grin is wiped off his face. The girl is still looking at him, this time with a guilty expression. But he isn't angry. If anything, he is surprised and amused. He still remembers her words from the night before, even if she appears to have forgotten. Should I tell her? he thinks. No, I don't want to ruin this. Not yet.

He climbs out of the bed and slips on a clean shirt hanging over a chair. He looks back at the girl, so small in the massive bed, and grins his manic grin. He feels the scars on his face tug, but he ignores the familiar sensation. The girl moves to get up, but suddenly gasps and falls. The man catches her and picks her up.

:33 oh! my head hurts…  
It'S oKaY. I'lL cArRy YoU iNtO tHe KiTcHeN. yOu MuSt Be HuNgRy.

The man smiles down at the girl in his arms. Realizing she is forgiven, the girl tries to smile, but her face contorts into an expression of pain. She is hungover, but the feeling in unfamiliar to her. The man frowns, but it is disguised as he turns his head towards the door. He takes her into the kitchen and sets her gently into a chair at a round wooden table. Her stomach growls and she groans out loud, letting her head fall onto the table. Her raven hair forms a frizzy halo around her head.

The man opens the fridge and pulls out several containers. He begins to cook, humming softly to himself. Before the girl realizes, a white porcelain plate is set before her, containing a cheese omelet, two slices of bacon, and some toast. An identical plate is set at the seat across from her, as well as two large glasses of orange juice and assorted silverware. The girl picks up her head and begins to eat. After one carefully chewed bite, she beings to shovel the food into her mouth, mumbling as she chews.

:33 oh, mhhmmh, this is soo good! gamz33, *gulp* where did you learn to cook like this? mhhmmhmh…

The man watches her in amusement. As she takes a break to breathe and drink some juice, he begins to eat his portion, chewing each bite slowly and deliberately. He smiles to himself. He is a very good cook, but he had gotten used to it. It was a nice change to see someone enjoying something he made so much. The girl took one final swig of orange juice and set down her glass. She felt better now that she had eaten. She closed her eyes for a second to compose her thoughts, and then stared intently into the man's eyes to get his attention.

She wanted to know what had really happened last night, in her drug-fueled daze.


	3. Hangover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is there something he's not telling her?

As the man places another bite of food into his mouth, he notices the girl staring at him. He places his fork on the table and looks back at her. Her dark, unruly hair is swept away from her face. She has composed her features to portray intensity, but her eyes betray her. Instead of piercing into his soul as she had intended, the man sees nervousness and uncertainty. She starts to form a word, but stops and composes her thoughts again, resetting her determined look.

:33 gamz33, what really happened last night?

JuSt WhAt I tOlD yOu, NeP. yOu SnUcK iNtO mY hOuSe AnD gOt ReAlLy HiGh.

The man sighs and stands, picking up both plates. He walks to the sink and begins to wash the dishes, including some of the tins from pies the girl had eaten the night before. This is not how he wanted to tell her. Not at all. But he would find a way to make it work.

The girl, still unsteady on her feet, pads over to the other side of the cramped kitchen to stand next to the man. She grips the dark countertops and tries to look confidant. She knows the man well enough to know she is not getting the whole story. There is something important that he is leaving out. Did they do something? She blushes at the thought and tries to hide the rush of pink with a well-timed hand movement. She did have secret feelings for him, but didn't think he felt the same way. Had she said something? Something embarrassing?

The man hears the girl follow him over, and watches her out of the corner of his eye. His mop of unkempt chestnut hair allows him to view her in secret. He sees a subtle blush against her pale cheeks and smiles to himself. What is she thinking? He quickly puts the plates off to the side and dries his hands. This appears to be the opportunity he was looking for. He gently places his calloused hands on her delicate shoulders and turns her to face him. She looks up, surprised, the blush fading on her cheeks.

WeLl, ThErE iS oNe OtHeR tHiNg ThAt HaPpEnEd…

:33 what?

YoU sAiD tHaT yOu ThOuGhT yOu LoVeD mE…

He bends down, moving one of his hands to her warm cheek, and kisses her lightly. Her lips fold under his, and she places one hand on his chest in her shock. He pulls back and grins his manic grin, his hair partially hiding his eyes.

AnD i ThInK i LoVe YoU tOo.

The girl leaps up and wraps her thin arms around the man's neck, pressing her lips into his. He wraps his hands around her waist, returning the kiss. For a moment, they share a passionate embrace. Then the girl faints, still in the man's arms.

He catches her and sighs. He picks her up and carries her back into the living room. She leans into him and groans when he places her on the couch. Her blue messenger bad is lying on its side near the TV. The man picks it up and looks inside. He quickly spots a blue silk kimono, most likely from the girl's job. He recalls that she was working as a waitress at an expensive Japanese restaurant. She is not really as young as she looks, he thinks. A quick glance at her driver's license reveals she is almost 22. He takes the kimono and sets the bag back down.

He walks back over to the couch, where the girl is starting to stir. He helps her up and into the bathroom, so she can change out of her grungy clothes and clean herself up.

CoMe On, NeP. gO gEt ChAnGeD aNd I'lL wArM uP sOmE sOuP.  
:33 oh… okay…  
JuSt YeLl If YoU nEeD mE.

The girl looks at her refection in the mirror. I look terrible, she thinks. What did I eat? She splashes some water on her face and sheds her dirty clothes. She slips on the silky fabric, realizing she is supposed to be at work. Oh well, she thinks. I'll just call in sick. I am sick, after all…

The man takes a detour and goes back to the girl's bag in his living room. He finds her cell phone and dials the girl's workplace. He tells the man who answers that the girl will be out sick today, and hangs up. He also calls his work and tells them the same thing. He walks into the kitchen and pulls a frozen container of chicken soup out of the freezer, dumping the contents into a saucepan to heat. As he stirs the broth, the girl walks into the kitchen and plops down in a chair, watching his every move with her observant eyes.

The man pours the steaming soup into a large bowl and beckons the girl to follow him into the other room. Along the way, he explains that he has called her in sick, much to the girl's relief. He sits carefully on the couch, patting the seat. The girl follows his lead and sits down next to him. He sets the warm bowl into her lap and puts his arm around her narrow shoulders, watching her eat. When she is finished, he places the bowl on a nearby table and props his feet up on the slightly damaged coffee table. His dull white socks have several holes in the toes, but he does not care.

The girl places her head carefully in his lap, looking up at his face. She reaches up to touch the scars on his face. I'm so sorry, she thinks. So sorry. But I have forgiven you, Gamzee. We have all forgiven you.

He sighs and runs his hand through her hair. Staring into the middle ground between him and the wall across the room, he begins to talk. He speaks in a soft, soothing voice, as if he is speaking only to himself.

I'vE nEvEr ToLd AnYoNe ThIs, NePeTa. NoBoDy BuT yOu.

He tells her about his life. How he was born in Paris. How his parents were wealthy socialites who bought him everything he ever wanted, but never gave him the companionship he needed. How they sent him to boarding school in England when he was 6. How they never called or wrote, and barely talked to him when he came home for holidays.

How he grew more distant for those who were once his friends, and turned to drugs instead.

He told her that his parents had wanted him to enter a lucrative profession, wanted him to be a doctor or a lawyer. But from a young age, he had a love for food. So he left for America and entered culinary school. He was in his element at college. For a while, he was clean. But once he left, the dependence on drugs returned.

He took a job as a busboy in a local restaurant, and quickly advanced in the ranks. He works as a pastry chef now, but business is slow. He plays in a local band on weekends to earn some extra money. He's 23 now, but not much better off than when he came to America 5 years previous. He refuses donations from his parent's fortune on principal. His life is better this way.

Staying in the states made him loose his accent. He still spoke French, but only on occasion. He had a dislike for the language because it was his parent's language, the tongue he was taught as a boy. And he had a dislike for his parents, and for his childhood. He did not speak French because it brought his bad memories tumbling back into his head, and made him turn further to drugs.

He spoke about how he is afraid to try to clean himself up. How he doesn't want a repeat of last time he tried. He doesn't want to hurt his friends again.

YoU rEmEmBeR wHaT hApPeNeD, nEpEtA? lAsT tImE i LeT mY oThEr SiDe GeT tHe BeSt Of Me? YoU gAvE mE tHeSe ScArS, rEmEmBeR? aNd I dEsErVeD tHeM. i DeSeRvEd ThEm AnD sO mUcH mOrE.

At this point, his soft voice had caused the girl to start dozing off. But she had heard every word he said. The man moved her slightly in order to lie down on the couch, and the girl cuddled up next to him. They slept.


	4. Adventure

A few hours later, the girl wakes up. The man is still asleep. She stands up and carefully brushes his hair out of his face, smiling. Her bag is sitting across the room, on the floor next to the man's television. She grabs it and walks out of the living room.

A quick check tells her that all her items are still in the bag. Her little netbook, iPod, and cell phone are sitting in their respective pockets. She has a text from one of her co-workers, Kanaya, but she ignores it. It is probably about work, and the girl does not want to think about work today.

The girl walks back to the man's room. All of her clothes from the day before but her jeans are messy, and she doesn't want to wear her kimono outside. It is blustery, and she would be cold. She finds a clean t-shirt hanging in his closet, with the logo of some band plastered on the front. The shirt is far too large for her, but she can make it work.

She walks to the bathroom and drops her bag inside the door. Her clothes from the night before are sitting in a pile in one corner. The girl takes a quick shower, washing away the grime in her hair, and slips into her jeans and the man's shirt. The rest of her clothes she balls up and places at the bottom of her bag. She grabs her things and walks into the kitchen.

The man hears the shower turn on, and gets up. He walks to the kitchen to get a snack, shedding his shirt along the way. It's cold today, he thinks. I'll have to find another shirt. I hope I have a clean one. He drops the shirt into a pile near his laundry. He keeps forgetting to wash his stuff. He'll have to remember later.

When the girl walks in, the man is leaning against the counter, eating a piece of pie. The girl begins to frown at him, but then stops herself. He can't help it, she thinks. The drugs make him better. He functions okay when he's only a little high. I shouldn't judge him. Not after last time.

The man sees the girl and her frown. He places his plate on the countertop and crosses his arm in front of his chest. He grins that manic grin again.

WeLl HeLlO, sLeEpYhEaD.

He beckons her into the room, and she quickly drops her bag on the table and stands next to him. It is only then that she notices his bare chest. He has several tattoos stretching over his left shoulder, and the girl can tell that he finds time to go to the gym. She blushes and tries to hide her face. The man sees her blush and smirks. He places a finger under her chin and lifts her head to kiss her lightly.

NoW, cOmE oN. lEt'S gO oUt SoMeWhErE. i'M gEtTiNg TiReD oF tHe InSiDe Of My HoUsE.  
:33 oh.. okay…

The girl is still blushing. The man walks out of the room and turns towards his bedroom. She hears him move things around in the closet. He shouts back to the girl.

HeY, yOu'Re WeArInG mY oNlY cLeAn ShIrT! oH, nEvEr MiNd, I fOuNd AnOtHeR oNe.

The girl giggles and grabs her bag from the table. She also takes one of the man's cold sodas out of the refrigerator. She knows he always has one with him.

Peeking her head into the hallway, she sees him pulling on the clean shirt as he walks to the bathroom. A cabinet clanks, and the man sets some things on the countertop. The girl sticks her head into the room. He is putting on some gray makeup. It completely covers his scars. The girl is used to seeing him with the makeup by now, and waits for him to finish. The man straitens up and runs a hand through his curly hair before noticing the girl in the mirror.

ReAdY tO gO?  
:33 all set. here, i grabbed you a soda.  
Oh, ThAnKs NeP.

He walks to the front of the house and takes his things, slipping the soda into his black satchel and shoving his feet into a pair of worn-in black skate shoes. He grabs a jacket off the back of the sofa, and hands the girl her coat. The girl laces her blue low tops and exits the front door. The man follows and locks the door behind him.

They stand on the landing, the girl's damp hair being dried in the breeze. The man slips on his jacket and grabs the girls hand, lacing her fingers within his. She blushes, but he can't tell if it's from the chilly wind or his touch. He jumps down the short staircase, pulling the girl after him. She laughs, a happy, high-pitched laugh. The man smiles.

Hand in hand, they walk down the street towards the small park. Suddenly, the man turns his head and sees a familiar figure in a dark alleyway. He stops, and the girl is pulled back. He bends down and whispers in her ear.

HeY, gO sIt In ThE pArK fOr A mInUtE. I'Ll Be RiGhT bAcK.  
:33 oh, okay.

The man lets go of the girl's hand, and she walks towards the park. She knows what the man is doing, but doesn't try to stop him. He's better this way, she thinks. I'm not going to try to change him. If he wants to try to go clean, I'll support him. But his addictions are not my problem. She walks into the park and finds a bench, setting her bag beside her. She takes out her netbook and powers it up. She has 3 new emails, all from work. They are all generic get-well messages from her co-workers. She sighs. As she closes the computer's lid, the man walks up, showing a brown paper bag into his satchel and smiling sheepishly at the girl.

SoRrY aBoUt ThAt.  
:33 it's okay. hey, i was wondering, what's in that stuff anyway?

The man tried to explain. Sopor was a street drug: it was processed from a plant, and was similar to marijuana. Except that it had qualities similar to gelatin. For that reason, it happened to make very good key lime pie. It tasted pretty bad on its own, and brownies were no fun. He was a pastry chef, anyway. Also, it was pretty easy to pass of as plain pie. Nobody suspected pie.

The girl smiled. He trusted her enough to tell him these things, things he had told nobody else. And she trusted him. She had to tell him her story.

She took the man's hand in hers, composed her thoughts, and began to talk.


	5. Secrets

The man let the girl take his hand. He learned forward, placing his chin in his hand and his elbow on his knee. He looked at her face. She had her eyes shut tight, and her brow was knit in concentration. Suddenly, she opened her eyes and stared into the distance.

:33 you've told me your story, gamz33. now let me tell you mine.

So she told him about her life. How she was born somewhere in the Canadian wilderness on a remote army base. Her parents were both military; she moved around a lot as a kid. She never went to the same school for more than a year, and had trouble making friends. She was painfully shy as a child, and had trouble opening up to new people. Just as she was making friends, she would have to leave again.

Her mother grew up in Japan: the girl's grandmother was Japanese, and her grandfather was in the American Navy. Her mother adopted an eastern parenting style for her daughter: the girl was very restricted. She was not allowed to spend time with friends outside of school, and all extra time was to be devoted to schoolwork. This contributed to her shyness and made it harder for her to make connections later in life.

The only friends the girl had when she was little were her cats. Her mother and father got her a kitten when she was little, and then another. The cats were the only things that were always with her, no matter where she went. She had to leave them behind when she moved to the city, and she missed them. But she had real friends now; she was coming out of her shell, slowly but surely.

She is currently at college, trying to finish up a degree in graphic design. She works part-time at a Japanese restaurant, and the pay is good. She splits the rent with her roommate, Feferi, who keeps a lot of fish tanks. She always says something about school, and how she needs the fish for her marine science research, but the girl is skeptical. She thinks Feferi just really likes fish.

The girl is getting off topic. She sighs and closes her eyes. The man takes the soda out of his bag, opens it, and hands it to the girl. She takes a hesitant sip. After the night before, she isn't so sure about the stuff. A quick look at the label reveals it is mostly sugar, and some caffeine. The girl never handles caffeine well anyway. She passes the bottle back to the man, who takes a swig and places it back in his bag. He slides his hand over her back, and she leans into him. She sighs, and whispers to herself.

:33 i'm not any good at this. at living on my own. i want someone to be there for me, but i'm too afraid to ask.  
I hEaRd ThAt. CoMe On, NeP, dOn'T pUt YoUrSeLf DoWn LiKe ThAt. We AlL hAvE pRoBlEmS.

The man places one finger under the girl's chin and lifts her head. He is taken by surprise when the girl wraps her arms around his neck and shoves her lips into his. After a moment, the man returns the kiss and slides his hands around the girl's thin waist. It is still early in the afternoon, and nobody is around. They could share a private moment together in the outside world. The man pulls back and presses his forehead into the girl's, their noses touching. He smiles, and the girl breathes out a short laugh. Suddenly, the man's stomach growls loudly. He laughs.

GuEsS i DiDn'T hAvE eNoUgH fOr LuNcH.  
:33 oh, okay…

The girl is slightly disappointed. She was enjoying that moment. He sees her frown, picks up his bag, and stands up, looking down at her.

CoMe On. We CaN gO bAcK tO mY pLaCe. I'lL mAkE yOu SoMeThInG. AnYwAyS, i NeEd To MaKe MoRe PiE.

She smiles slightly and grabs her bag. Before she can react, he leans down and picks her up around the waist, throwing her over his shoulder. She laughs.

:33 gamz33! put me down!  
HaHa. No ChAnCe, NePeTa!


	6. Crisis

The man finally sets the girl down as they reach the front door. She is still giggling, and he has a grin plastered on his face, distorting the pattern of his makeup. The girl rocks forward, her blood rushing to her head and throwing her off balance. He reaches out to grabs her shoulders and leans down to kiss her. She laughs lightly.

:33 stop it, gamz33. i'm already light-headed enough.

The man grins even wider. He opens the door and allows the girl to go inside first, tossing his bag over her head and onto a table near the door, where it slides to a stop. She sheds her coat and shoes, and he follows her inside. Reaching into his bag, he takes out a brown paper sack. The girl eyes it suspiciously. He sighs.

I'lL mEeT yOu In ThE kItChEn. YoU wAnT hOt ChOcOlAtE?  
:33 mmm… that sounds wonderful.

She smiles quickly and prances off to the kitchen, sliding on the polished floors and catching the door jamb to swing herself around the corner. Who is this girl? he thinks. Serious and playful and funny and concerned, all at the same time. One of these days, I'll figure her out.

She makes a flying leap to stop herself from sliding all the way to the other end of the kitchen, lands, and plops down in one of the chairs. She didn't frown because of the drugs, she frowned because she remembered. She remembered what happened last time he was without them. And she pushed the memory back down. She doesn't want to think about it now. The man walks into the kitchen and reaches into a cabinet, grabbing two pots and a couple of pie tins. He strolls over to the hulking white fridge and opens it. The inside is surprisingly orderly, and filled with somewhat exotic ingredients. Among other things, he grabs a quart of milk and a bag of homemade marshmallows. The girl sits quietly, watching him work.

Within a few minutes, the man has set a steaming mug of hot chocolate, complete with whipped cream and marshmallows, in front of the girl. He holds another mug in his hands, leaning against the counter as he watches green slime bubble away in the other pot. The girl sips the concoction slowly. It's delicious, but it's hot. She doesn't want to burn her tongue and ruin the taste. She ends up with a layer of cream coating her upper lip, and the man laughs.

He sets down his mug and turns back to the counter, slicing a few more limes for the pies. He is thinking of the girl, and looses concentration. The knife slips and cuts his finger. The cut is small, but the knife is sharp and the wound begins to bleed almost immediately.

Oh, DaMn It!  
:33 gamz33, what happened?  
It'S nOtHiNg, ReAlLy. I jUsT cUt MySeLf A lItTlE.

The man turns around and walks calmly to the sink, holding his injured hand. A rivulet of indigo blood inches down his palm. He carefully washes the cut and finds a small bandage in a drawer.

The girl feels her breathing go ragged. It's just a little cut, she thinks. He's okay. But the last time I saw his blood run… It was my fault. The memories came rushing back in an instant.

It was a bright, sunny day, much like this one, about a year ago. Their whole group had a little get-together at a park across town. They had all gone to get sandwiches at a new restaurant, and they sat in the park together. Nepeta sat alone on a bench, observing the scene before her while munching happily on her tuna melt. Feferi, a little younger then, cuddled into her long-term boyfriend, a skinny man named Sollux, as they shared a filet of grouper. Tavros, Vriska, and Kanaya made another small group. They sat in the cool grass on a plaid blanket, playing a card game. Kanaya didn't quite understand, and Tavros and Vriska were having an argument over how to best explain it to her. Kanaya took small bites of her vegetable wrap as she calmly watched the argument. Equius, Nepeta's best friend, doted on Aradia, who he was madly in love with. Aradia was distant, and never seemed to notice Equius's feelings, but he wasn't one to give up easily. Karkat, agitated, was trying to keep Terezi from annoying Eridan, but he was just getting annoyed himself. He eventually gave up and went back to eating his lobster roll.

Gamzee was also watching. This get-together hadn't been his idea, but it was for his own good. He sat in the shade of a giant tree, knees clutched to his chest and hood pulled up over his messy hair. He had no makeup on his face, and he had no scars. A pastrami sandwich sat on the ground next to him, untouched, still wrapped in white paper. He wasn't hungry. Withdrawal did that to a person. He was glad that his friends were trying to support him, and he needed their support. But pounding headaches and insomnia generally make a person antisocial. He wanted to be a part of his friend's happiness, and he was a little happy himself, deep down, but he couldn't show his feelings. It hurt too much.

He was trying so hard not to remember, but it was hard to distract himself. The fresh air helped a little, and maybe moving would help a little more. He reached up and ran a hand through his tangled hair, his hood falling off in the process. A rubber band from around his wrist secured his hair, keeping it off his face. He got up slowly, shaking a little, and walked over to the bench were Nepeta was sitting. He thought he might as well eat, and took a bite out of his sandwich as he sat down. It settled his churning stomach. He tried to concentrate on good thoughts.

But he was so tired.

As he took another bite, his eyelids drooped. He was still awake, but he started to daydream. Suddenly, he heard a voice inside his head. He wanted to get up, to move, to forget, but he was stuck, as if in a trance. The voice whispered one word.

Hello.

Gamzee instantly recognized that voice. It was speaking French, although he didn't notice at first. It was the voice of his father.

Que, pensez-vous que vous êtes - et - puissant tellement haut ? Vous avez votre propre travail, vos propres amis, votre propre vie. Mais vous ne pouvez pas échapper à votre passé. Il vous hantera pour toujours. What, you think you are so high and mighty? You have your own job, your own friends, your own life. But you cannot escape your past. It will haunt you forever.

Gamzee did all he could to stop the voice, but he couldn't shatter the trance. He could only mumble to himself, his eyes half closed.

Pas, non, non, arrêt. Soyez tranquille. Tais-toi. Tais-toi. Je n'ai pas besoin de vous. Vous êtes mort à moi. No, no, no, stop. Be quiet. Shut up. Shut up. I do not need you. You are dead to me.

At this point, Nepeta had stopped eating. She was watching Gamzee, a concerned look on her face. She laid a hand on his shoulder, and felt his muscles contract beneath it. She whispered to him.

:33 are you okay?

The touch and the voice broke the stupor. He reached out and grabbed her hand in his, squeezing to the point that it hurt. He couldn't speak. His body was acting against his will. He looked into her eyes, sending a silent plea for help.

Nepeta was terrified.


	7. Fear

:33 gamz33? are you okay?

Nepeta did her best to try and calm him, but it wasn't working. He seemed almost possessed. With a sudden cry of anguish, he released Nepeta's hand and clawed at his temples.

Pas, fils. N'oubliez pas ce qui s'est produit avant. Vous n'appartenez pas ici, avec ces personnes. Ils vous appellent un ami, mais profondément en bas de eux vous détestent. Vous ne leur atteignez aucun objectif. No, son. Do not forget about what has happened before. You do not belong here, with these people. They call you a friend, but deep down they hate you. You serve no purpose to them.

Gamzee cradled his head in his hands, mumbling in broken French. His eyes went wide, and he stood up.

Arrêtez-le! Arrêtez! Je ne m'inquiète pas ce que vous pensez. Le passé ne signifie rien. Ces personnes s'inquiètent de moi! Regardez, voyez comment elles veulent que j'aille mieux? Mais vous n'aidez pas! Aller-en! Sortez de ma tête! Stop it! Stop! I don't care what you think. The past means nothing. These people care about me! Look, see how they want me to get better? But you're not helping! Go away! Get out of my head!

He picked up a glass bottle that had been sitting on the bench, smashing the back end into the iron armrest and sending glass fragments and lukewarm soda flying in every direction. He gripped the bottle tightly in both hands, his eyes dilated. By now, everyone had stopped. They were all watching the action.

Gamzee backed up while swinging the glass bottle as if striking at unseen enemies. Nepeta lunged for him, aiming to tackle him and stop him from hurting anybody. But she was too light, and Gamzee simple caught her by the shoulders, his eyes manic. As he let go or her arms and made to lash out at her, she pushed him back. The adrenalin had made her stronger, and he fell, twisting sideways, the jagged glass slicing his face. The force of his impact with the hard dirt path broke the trace, this time for good. Karkat went over to Gamzee's still form, flipping him gently and taking the shattered bottle out of his hands. Several others made for their pockets, calling for help. Nepeta stood stock-still, watching the indigo blood run down Gamzee's face and hands. Her blood was still filled with adrenalin, and she shook slightly. Equius walked over to her and wrapped her into a hug. She was still terrified.

The girl is suddenly snapped back to the present. A heavy hand rests on her shoulder. The man is looking down at her, concerned.

NePeTa? ArE yOu OkAy?  
:33 yeah, i'm… i'm okay…

She takes a sip of her cocoa and attempts a weak smile. The man smiles back and walks off to tend the pot on the stove. She is visibly shaken, but the man ignores it. He knows what she was thinking, but chooses to ignore it.

After a few minutes, the girl gets up, her face composed into a clam mask.

:33 gamz33, i should go… i have work tonight, and feferi must be wondering where i've been.  
Oh, OkAy ThEn. I'lL wAlK yOu OuT tHeN.

The man walks over and takes the girl's hands his. As he leans down, her facial features relax. Her lips fold into his. She doesn't want to go. She wants to stay. But she has her own life that she has to tend to.

He leads her to the door, the pressure of her kiss lingering on his lips. He wants her to stay, but he has his own matters to attend to. He hands her bag to her, and opens the door. Their fingertips linger and she walks out. He shuts the door gently behind her, and leans into it, sinking to the floor. He sighs.

She walks down the street, her feet heavy. As she sits in the subway, she can't help but think about him. Eventually, she reaches her own apartment. She slips her key into the front door, hearing a quiet click. Even though it's only late afternoon her roommate is already home from work. The girl tries to sneak past the kitchen and avoid any uncomfortable conversations, but Feferi catches her. The girl gasps when the woman says her name.

Nepeta? W)(ere )(ave you been?  
:33 umm… hi feferi…  
Seriously, you )(ave some explaining to do. W)(ere were you last nig)(t?  
:33 oh, fef… i was… i was… at a friend's. sorry i didn't call.

The woman knows she is not getting the full story, but let its rest. The girl rarely kept secrets, and when she did it was personal. She would get the truth eventually.

The girl could tell she would be interrogated later, but she is relieved. She sighs and runs to her room, slamming the door behind her. She tosses her bag onto her bed, and chucks her shoes into a corner. Oh Gamzee, she thinks. What am I going to do about you?

About us?


	8. Separation

The man gets up from the floor. On his way back to the kitchen, he chucks some of the laundry laying around into the washer. Some of the girl's clothes are in the pile, but he'll get them back to her eventually. The girl's blue silk kimono he does not wash, because he is afraid to destroy it. Instead, he folds it carefully and lays it on top of the dryer for safekeeping. He goes to the kitchen. As he finishes the pies, he starts to think about the girl. What is she doing right now? he thinks. I wish she didn't have to leave.

He sighs and goes back to the pie making.

The girl plops down on her bed, crumpling her duvet beneath her. She stares at the ceiling, watching her fan spin lazily in circles. Shadows are thrown around the room. She knows she has to get up in a minute. She has to get ready for work. But there are so many other things she wants to do, namely not be here. I need to tell someone, she thinks. But who do I tell? Who would understand? After a moment, she grabs her phone out of her bag and flips it open. There is a voicemail from Feferi, dated from the night before. She ignores it. She sends a quick hello to Kanaya. Kanaya would understand, and maybe have some advice. She was good at that sort of thing.

The girl gets up and walks over to her closet, taking out one of her work outfits. This kimono is bright green, with a floral pattern. Her phone buzzes, moving across her bed.

-Text Conversation from NEPETA to KANAYA-  
:33 hey kanaya  
Hello Nepeta How Are You  
:33 um... okay, you?  
I Am Fine Thank You But You Seem Troubled  
:33 yeah… that's why i texted you. i need your help with something…  
I Will Do My Best To Help You Out Of Your Predicament But I Cannot Promise I Will Be Successful  
:33 well, i've kind of gotten myself… um… romantically involved… with someone.  
Oh Well Can You Tell Me Who This Person Is Or Is It Private  
:33 oh, it's not a secret… but i'm not sure you'll like it…  
I Swear To A Deity Of Your Choosing That I Will Not Judge You Based On The Identity Of This Person  
:33 well… it's gamz33…  
Really I Did Not See That Coming  
:33 t33h33 well yeah so…  
I Received A Phone Message From Your Roommate Late Last Night Asking If I Had Seen You And I Am Assuming That Your Romantic Involvement Explains This Situation  
:33 yeah feferi was really worried for some reason… i'm kind of afraid to leave my room now.  
Personally I Think She Just Cares For You And Was Afraid When You Did Not Come Home  
:33 she has been really protective lately… i wonder if something happened to her.  
I Do Not Know Her Well Enough To Begin To Guess  
:33 the only person that knows her really well is eridan, but her creeps me out O-o  
Yes He Is Slightly Creepy Anyway I Must Get Ready For Work  
:33 t33h33 me too. i'll see you in a little bit.  
Okay See You At Work Good Bye

The girl sets the phone back down and gets dressed. Kanaya didn't do much in the advice department, but the conversation did make the girl feel better. The other woman did not seem overly alarmed, which is a good sign. She slips her bag over her shoulder and tiptoes out of the apartment. The woman is in the living room and does not notice the girl leave, to her relief.

As she sits waiting for the subway, she gets another text message from the man.

While the girl was going about her business, the man was going about his. He cleaned his kitchen, did more laundry, and answered some emails. As he was finding a clean apron for work, he started to think. And he kept thinking. Thinking about his life, and what he was doing with it. Thinking about the girl. As he finishes packing his bag and walks out the door, he decides something.

He grabs his phone out of his bag and sends the girl a message.

-Text Conversation From GAMZEE to NEPETA-  
HeY nEpEtA  
:33 oh hi gamz33. how are you?  
I'm OkAy… UmMm I wAs JuSt ThInKiNg AbOuT sTuFf AnD…  
:33 and what? if it's a secret i won't tell.  
WeLl I wAs ThInKiNg AbOuT yOu… AnD uS…  
:33 okay… now i'm curious. tell me please!  
UgGhH… tHiS iS cOmInG oUt WrOnG… lEt Me GeT mY tHoUgHtS tOgEtHeR aNd I'lL tElL yOu LaTeR. oKaY?  
:33 yeah… okay… i just really want to know now. and gamz33?  
YeAh NeP?  
:33 i know it's silly, but i miss you.  
I mIsS yOu ToO. sEe YoU lAtEr.  
:33 okay. bye.

The girl has mixed emotions. She is confused that the man wanted to tell her something that seemed really important, but didn't. But at the same time she is glad that she could talk to him.

She is also confused by his last message, but decides against occupying her thoughts on its meaning. She's almost at work and needs to concentrate on her job.

The man places his phone gently back in his bag and runs a hand through his hair. Why can't he just tell her? Why is it so hard? He sighs and stands up. It's almost his stop. He'll sort out his thoughts after work.

The girl walks into the service door of her workplace, and is greeted warmly by her coworkers. The tall, motherly woman, Kanaya, gives the girl a look of curiosity, and then smiles genuinely. The girl smiles back, and gets to work.

The man, on the other hand, is not given as warm a greeting. His coworkers ignore his entrance, and he gets to work right away, pushing his thoughts to the side. Things will work themselves out, he hopes. I don't want to make the wrong choice.


	9. Change

The girl finishes clearing her last table. It is past midnight, and the restaurant has just closed. Parts of her carefully styled hair stick to the sweat on her brow, and her dress reeks of alcohol from a clumsily spilled drink. After disposing of the splattered plates, she dashes into the restroom to change into cleaner clothes. She digs around in her bag only to find the man's shirt from earlier. A quiet giggle escapes her lips. She didn't realize what she had thrown in the bag earlier. Kanaya will most definitely notice, she thinks. I wonder what she'll think.

Meanwhile, the man left work in a hurry, wanting to avoid any comments on his absence from his boss. As he steps out the back door, it starts to rain. The water quickly washes away the rest of the skin-colored makeup he wears to work. Mostly of it was already smudged from sweat, but it wasn't waterproof. He grabs his black umbrella out of his bag and hurries down the street, in the opposite direction of home.

The girl steps casually out of the restroom, tiptoeing back to the break room to get the rest of her belongings. The woman is there, sitting in a chair, relaxed and elegant as always. She looks up sharply as the girl enters, studying her appearance. A quiet chuckle from the woman confirms the girl's suspicion: Kanaya has noticed. But, thankfully, she did not comment. The girl steps out the door, into the unexpected rain, and runs into something. Something with an umbrella and a manic grin. Something that envelops her in a hug.

:33 gamz33? what are you doing here?

The man simply smiles and laughs in return. He turns to Kanaya and gives her a curt nod, which her returns with a polite grin.

CoMe On, NeP. i'Ll WaLk YoU hOmE.

The girl can't get a good look at his face in the dim light of the street. She doesn't notice his scars. The thought of them doesn't even cross her mind. It doesn't matter at the moment. She takes his hand, lacing her fingers into his. He shifts the umbrella to cover them both. As they walk, he hums quietly to himself.

Puddles splash beneath the man's heavy shoes. They cross through streetlights, in and out of the shadows. The streets are empty. They are alone.

Too soon, they reach the girl's apartment. There is a light in the window: Feferi is still home, and still awake. The man tugs the girl up the steps, under the awning, and out of the rain. He closes the umbrella with a snap. The girl can get a good look at his face for the first time. He is smiling: a casual, warm smile that makes her melt a little on the inside. She stands on her tiptoes to kiss him. He slips his hands around her waist and kisses her back, quickly, then pulls his face away from hers.

NeP, tHeRe'S sOmEtHiNg I nEeD tO tElL yOu.  
:33 what is it?  
I'm… I'vE bEeN tHiNkInG… aNd I… i ThInK i'M gOiNg To TrY tO gEt ClEaN aGaIn. I… i ThInK i CaN rEaLlY dO iT tHiS tImE.

The man's smile has changed. A hopeful, almost nervous smile has taken the place of the warm one. The girl is unsure. She still remembers the fear she felt. The memory is unsettling, and she shivers unconsciously. She makes up her mind, almost a little too quickly.

:33 well… i'll… i'll support you. i'm here for you, okay?  
OkAy.

The girl seems a little hesitant, but the man is glad. I'm comfortable with where I am in life, he thinks. I really hope this will work. And I really need her support.

OkAy. WeLl, YoU sHoUlD gEt InSiDe BeFoRe FeF sTaRtS tO wOrRy.  
:33 yeah… i'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?  
AlL rIgHt. GoOd NiGhT.

The man turns to grab his umbrella, and sweeps the girl into a kiss. He doesn't want to leave, but he knows that the girl's roommate would not tolerate his company. The girl unlocks the front door, and he can see the blush on her cheeks as she steps into the shaft of light. He closes the door softly behind her, sighs to himself, and walks down the steps. He starts to whistle, occupying his thoughts.

When he gets home, he throws all the pies down his sink, whistling the entire time.


	10. Proof

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AO3 is messing up my formatting and it's really annoying, but I think you can tell what's going on in the conversations.

The girl pauses right inside the front door, leaning against the nearest wall. She drops her bag softly, trying to dampen the thump it makes on the floor. Lights dance on the wall as light streams into the hallway from the TV in the living room. A shadow appears, covering the light show.

Nepeta? Is t)(at you?  
:33 oh… hey fef… yeah, it's me.  
Wait, was t)(at Gamzee outside?  
:33 umm… yeah, it was.  
Is t)(ere somet)(ing you aren't telling me?  
:33 jeez, fef. i'm an adult. i can do what i want. you're not my mother.

She is angry at her roommate. This always happens, she thinks. She thinks she can take over my life just because I'm small. She thinks I need to be taken care of like I'm a little kid. But I can do what I want. The girl grabs her bag and storms into her room, leaving the other woman with a flustered look on her face.

Sitting on her bed, the girl tried to decompress. She yanks her bag onto the bed. The lights are off, so she rummages around blindly, trying to find her netbook. It's in a different pocket than it usually is, but it's still there. She is relieved, and boots up the computer.

She signs into chat, and realizes Equius is still online.

Equius is her moirail, her best friend. But it's slightly more than that. Moirailigence is more like platonic love: they protect each other, offer advice, and help each other out of sticky situations. Equius could help her figure out her feelings. She clicks his name, causing a smaller window to spring onto the screen.

-Chat Conversation Between NEPETA and EQUIUS-

:33 hey equius!  
:33 i need your help with something.  
D- You were starting to worry me, nepeta  
D- I have not heard from you in several days  
:33 sorry! i've been really busy. and that's kinda what i need your help with.  
D- Has something bad happened  
:33 no, no… everything's actually really good. except for things with fef. she's being kinda controlling, but that's normal. i can deal with her later.  
:33 i'm kind of… involved with someone.  
D- Is this a social involvement… or more romantic  
:33 ummm… romantic  
D- May I ask with whom this relationship is with  
D- I would also like to know if this relationship would be considered a matespritship  
:33 oh… er well i'm not sure you're gonna like this… but it's gamz33  
:33 and i'm not sure if it would be considered a matespritship yet… i haven't thought about it that way  
D- Nepeta you know how I feel about him  
D- I do not think you should associate with him  
D- Even though he is of a higher social class  
:33 jeez you and your social classes… don't you just ever care about the person?  
:33 and i don't agree with you. deep down he is a really nice person. he cares.  
:33 i know you remember last time but i swear he's trying to change. he's a different person now.  
D- I still would not like it if you were to associate with him  
:33 you and fef had the same reaction. but i'm an adult and i can control my own life!  
:33 i thought you would support me! but you obviously don't. well fine then.

The girl pushes the computer away from her in disgust. Why don't they support me? Why don't they care about what I have to say? Why do they all think I'm so little? She is frustrated.

She refuses to think about it anymore.

She skirts past her roommate and into the single bathroom, and turns the shower on warm. As the water flows over her skin, she still refuses to think. Instead, she concentrates on the right angles of the white tiles on the walls. The only decision she makes is to work the afternoon shift the next day, in order to get home before the other woman and avoid her all together.

The girl scurries back to her room, turns out the light, and pulls her sheets over her head.

The man, on the other hand, does plenty of thinking. He finishes the laundry and cleans his house. He considers doing several things, but decides on the most dramatic one.

He is happy. He is starting to get a headache, but he is happy. He will feel worse in the morning. Withdrawal is not a pleasant feeling, but he is happy.


	11. Isolation

The girl wakes to the sound of a slamming door. Sunlight streams through the window, and her clock reads 10:13. That must be Feferi leaving, she thinks. Good. Now I can get some things done before work.

After getting dressed for work, she steps out of her room and into the hallway. The apartment is oddly spotless. She walks calmly to the kitchen and pours herself a bowl of cereal. There are no dishes in the sink, and the rotten food had been cleaned out of the refrigerator. The girl’s cannot figure out what inspired her roommate to scrub the apartment. Feferi is not a naturally organized person.

As she walks into the living room and plops down on the couch to watch some TV before work, a piece of paper on the coffee table catches her eye. It is a note from Feferi.

Nepeta,  
I’m worried about you. You seem really distant these last few days. I did my part of the bargain and cleaned t)(e apartment, because I know you )(ate it w)(en it’s dirty. But I want to know w)(at )(as )(appened.  
I’ll see you tonig)(t.  
Feferi

The girl sighs. The woman just won’t leave her alone. She ignores the note and turns on the TV, flipping to the DVR menu and choosing a program.

The man wakes up a little while later, his head pounding. He rolls over in the bed and groans, reaching for the glass of water and bottle of aspirin he left on the bedside table the night before. He gulps down two pills and swings his legs out of the bed. Today is his day off, but he has rehearsal for a gig the following night. He’ll come back to the house after rehearsal, so he doesn’t bother getting his things together for the big surprise just yet. He stumbles blindly into the kitchen and makes a pot of black coffee. He walks back to his room and throws on a clean shirt and some pants. A quick look in the bathroom mirror reveals a mess of untidy hair covering his eyes. He steps into the smaller room and runs a brush through his hair. It doesn’t help much.

His well-practiced hand dabs the gray makeup onto his face in a matter of seconds. He blocks out the thoughts that flood into his brain. I don’t need those right now, he thinks. I have more important things to think about.

He pours the coffee into a large travel mug and grabs his things as he runs out the door.

Realizing the time, the girl turns off the TV and puts her cereal bowl in the sink. Her bag and laptop are waiting for her in her room. As she slips on her shoes, she takes a look at her phone. Surprisingly, there are no messages. She places the phone in its proper pocket and steps out the door, locking it carefully behind her.

A little while later, she is at work. Kanaya is not present; the girl assumes she is working the late shift again. The lunch rush begins and the girl forgets all about her friend in her haste.

The man arrives at the rehearsal space. His head still hurts, but the medicine has dampened the pain. He quickly finds he is a better bass player when he is sober: the can think more clearly, and his hands are steady enough to play the right notes. The other members of the band are all high. The man gets a glimpse of what he was like, and it disgusts him. I can’t believe I acted like that, he thinks. Everything was funny. Even things that were serious. And who ever thought that we could play music like this? We can’t get though one song without someone breaking into hysterics.

He decides he is better off this way, even with the pain.

Later, the girl leaves work, exhausted. She hurries home and has the apartment all to herself. The other woman will not be home for several more hours. She takes a shower, scrubbing off the grime from work, and ties her short hair into a French braid. It is just dinner time, but she is not hungry yet. The stench of fish and alcohol is still stuck in her nose from work. She decides to eat later. Feferi did not throw out all the leftovers in the fridge.

She plops back down in front of the TV and resumes a program she started in the morning. She is oblivious to the world around her.

After the rehearsal, the man hurries home, showers, and gets ready to leave again. This time, however, he leaves his face plain. The world will see his scars, but right now he does not care. He strides confidently out of his apartment, hops down the steps, and gasps in pain. He had forgotten the pounding headache; the short trip down the stairs jostled his brain in his skull. He stops for a second to clear the spots from his eyes, and then continues down the street.

He makes a quick stop at a corner market and buys a bouquet of roses.

The girl is still watching TV when her doorbell rings. For a second, she thinks it is just the sound from the program, and tries to ignore the bell. But then it rings again. Through the front window she can see a shadow standing at the door. She gets up slowly, stretching, and walks over to the door. A quick peek through the peephole confirms there is a person on the other side. She checks the hall mirror before opening the door. She is wearing an old t-shirt and jeans, and her hair is still swept into the braid. Once she confirms she is fairly presentable, she opens the door.

:33 gamz33?  
HeY, nEpEtA. tHeSe ArE fOr YoU.

The man is standing on the other side of the door, holding out a plastic cone filled with 12 red roses. The girl is taken aback, and holds the flowers carefully. She can tell her mouth is open in surprise. The man only stands there and chuckles. He is wearing a fancy black suit, with a starched white shirt and a purple tie.

The girl feels herself blush. She is speechless.


	12. Lust

The girl regains her composure, and opens the door a little wider to allow the man inside. Once inside, he closes the door quietly behind himself. A sudden realization hits the girl.

:33 oh… i’ll be right back. i should go put these flowers in the kitchen.

The girl runs off, leaving the man at the door. He smiles to himself. She was genuinely surprised. He waits patiently for her return.

She grabs a vase from the cabinet and fills it halfway with water, dropping the roses into it with a soft splash. He’s here, she thinks. Oh god. Why is he here? I didn’t want to think about this. She peaks her head back into the hallway, and catches the man’s eye. She walks back over to him. And she is surprised again.

The man catches her wrist and she walks hesitantly towards him, and pulls her forward. Before the girl has gasp, his lips are on hers. All the tension leaves her muscles as the man places a hand on the small of her back to pull her closer. She leans into the kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck. Slowly, he pulls back, and looks at the girl’s face.

So, Hi.  
:33 hey…

He stares into her eyes for a moment. Without his senses dulled, her eyes look brighter, clearer to him. I made the right choice, he thinks. I did the right thing. He can see when the girl’s eyes dart downward, noticing his scars. But she doesn’t say anything. Another thought pops into her head, and her features morph from pleased to worried.

:33 gamz33…  
YeS nEp?  
:33 what are you doing here?  
Oh, WeLl, I kNeW yOu GoT oFf WoRk EaRlY tOdAy, AnD i ThOuGhT mAyBe We CoUlD gO oUt To DiNnEr Or SoMeThInG.  
:33 oh… okay.

Her face brightens. She disengages her arms from the man’s neck, and motions for him to wait a moment. She darts back into her room, throws open her closet, and selects a dress from among the clothes. Tossing off her t-shirt and jeans, she slips into the dress and unties her hair. The now-dry braid falls into soft waves around her face. She grabs a pair of black heels from the bottom of her closet and snatches her bag from the corner of the bed.

She considers taking a moment to put on some makeup, up decides against it. If he doesn’t need to cover his face, she thinks, neither do I. She pulls on the heels and strides confidently into the living room, where she can see the man is waiting. He turns at the sound of her shoes on the wood floor, and a smile spreads across his face.

The girl is wearing a simple evening gown. The silky plum-colored fabric falls effortlessly off her shoulders. The hem of the dress just skims her calves. The man is just as taken aback as the girl first was.

She throws her bag over her shoulder and grabs him by the wrist, pulling him towards the door.

:33 come on, let’s go before feferi gets back.  
OkAy. I kNoW tHe PeRfEcT pLaCe FoR dInNeR.

He opens the door with a flourish and they step out of the building. Placing a gentle hand on her shoulder, he guides her down the street. They make a few more turns, walking about half a mile, before they reach what appears to be an unmarked service door. The girl is confused, but the man grins and knocks on the door anyway.

A small window opens and a pair of eyes appears, just like in the movies. The brow furrows for a moment, then a look of recognition comes over the face. A deep voice, presumably the voice belonging to the pair of eyes, speaks a quick greeting, and the door swings inward to reveal a bustling restaurant, lit with colored lights. Popular music plays quietly from large speakers disguised in modern sculptures littered around the border of the room.

The girl is awestruck as the man leads her to an empty table. A waiter appears, and the man speaks to him quietly. She catches a couple of words from their conversation, and realizes they are speaking French. She is blown away, and confused.

:33 gamz33? what is this place?  
ThIs, My DeAr, Is ThE fAnCiEsT ReStAuRaNt In ToWn. I wOrKeD hErE fOr A wHiLe, BuT tHe OwNeRs ChAnGeD aNd ThE nEw GuY dIdN’t NeEd A pAsTeRy ChEf. ThEy StIlL kNoW mE aNd GiVe Me FrEe MeAlS wHeNeVeR i WaNt.

The man smiles again, and chuckles at the girl. She is still looking around with amazement. The waiter returns with two mixed drinks and menus. The girl eyes the man’s drink suspiciously. He chuckles again.

DoN’t WoRrY. mInE’s A vIrGiN. yOuRs, HoWeVeR, iS a ReGuLaR oNe.

The girl smiles slightly, and turns to her menu. This is a fancy restaurant, she thinks. Everything is written is a foreign language. She can’t pin down what language it is, but there are English subtitles for everything. She scans the menu, and her eyes stop in the pasta section. The man has been watching her, and sees her eyes stop on a particular item. The girl looks up to see him grinning at her. He motions to the menu, and she point out what she wants on him menu. When the man looks up, the waiter quickly returns, and he whispers their orders in French. The waiter takes off again, and the man picks up his drink and takes a sip.

The girl mimics the motion, and finds the drink to be unusual, but delicious. As she puts the drink back down, the man reaches across the table and picks up her hand. His features morph into a mask of concern.

SoMeThInG sEeMs To Be TrOuBlInG yOu.  
:33 it’s nothing, really.  
CoMe On, TeLl Me.

So the girl tells him. She tells him about the fight with her roommate and her conversation with her moirail. And how she feels like she isn’t trusted. When she finishes, he sighs and squeezes her hand.

So, WhAt Do YoU tHiNk We ArE? aRe We MaTeSpRiTs?  
:33 oh… well, i guess we are. i mean, this is something more than just friends, isn’t it?  
YeAh, I gUeSs So.  
:33 hey, gamz33?  
YeAh, NePeTa?  
:33 i.. i think i love you.  
I tHiNk I lOvE yOu ToO, nEp.

The man can see the girl’s blush, even through the blue and green lights. He squeezes her hand one last time as the waiter arrives with several platters of food. Delicious smells waft from the table, and they tuck in. For a while, the only sounds either of them hears are chewing and the soft music.

Later, the girl has finished most of her meal, and is picking at the last couple of pieces on her plate. The man is taking the last gulp of his drink when she finally puts down her fork. He takes the opportunity to grab her hand again.

So, YoU tHiNk YoU cAn StIlL fInD rOoM fOr DeSsErT?  
:33 i think so.   
CoMe On, LeT’s Go GeT iCe CrEaM.

The man motions for the waiter, and mumbles something to him as he places a folded bill in his hand. The waiter replies, and the man stands, holding out his hand to the girl. She takes his hand and they leave through the back door. He links his fingers between hers as they walk down the street, back towards the girl’s apartment. Along the way, they stop at a small shop and get dessert. A small pistachio cone for the girl, and a large lemon sherbet for the man. They walk quietly down the sidewalk, eating their ice cream.

By the time they reach the apartment, both cones are gone. The girl grabs her key from her bag and opens the door. The apartment is dark: Feferi is still out. She sighs. Hopefully the woman will not come home for a while.

The man follows the girl inside, and reaches over to turn on the hall light. He closes the door and clicks the lock. The girl motions for him to wait, and she darts into the other room. Kicking off his shoes, he loosens his tie, throws his suit jacket onto the chair by the door, and plops down on the living room couch. He absentmindedly reaches into his pocket for a small container, from which he takes two white pills. They are simple painkillers. He swallows them dry, and grimaces at the taste. The pounding in his head subsides a little as the medicine begins to dissolve.

The girl, in her room, strips out of the dress and throws off her heels. She slips back into her jeans and t-shirt from before, which is much more comfortable. A light in the living room tells her the location of the man, and she walks in calmly, sitting gently on the couch. She looks over at the man, and finds that he is looking back at her. Unconsciously, she reaches out a hand to cup his chin, running her thumb along his scars. He leans into the touch and places his hand on top of hers.

She turns and kisses him lightly on the lips. He returns the kiss, and their lips are locked together.

He slides his hands around her hips, pushing his thumbs under her shirt. She shivers at the touch and runs her hands through his hair.

She lets him slip his hands up her back and find the hook in her bra as she starts to unbutton his shirt.

He unclasps her bra and she pulls it off from under her t-shirt.

She runs her hand over the tattoos on his bare chest and he moves his hands to the front of her body.

Then a loud click announces the unlocking of the front door. A sing-song voice issues from the front hall.

)(ey, Nepeta, I’m )(ome!

The girl breaks her contact with the man’s lips as she gasps in fright and surprise.


	13. Flee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about this chapter being so short! It just felt like the natural place to stop for now. I'll have more up soon, I promise.

)(ey, Nepeta, are you t)(ere?  
:33 ye… yeah I’m here. hang on a second.

The girl stammers in her fear. She looks around, frantic, and catches the man’s eye. He also looks surprised by the woman’s sudden entrance, but not afraid. He motions for the girl to stay put as he sneaks into the kitchen, out of view of the woman. His plan is executed just in time. The woman steps into the living room as the girl is smoothing down her shirt and hair.

O)(, t)(ere you are. Look, can we talk?   
:33 umm… okay…  
I talked to Equius, and )(e told me w)(at is going on.   
I just wanted to let you know t)(at it’s your relations)(ip and you can do w)(atever you want. I s)(ouldn’t intrude.   
:33 oh… well, thanks for understanding.

The girl was taken aback by the woman’s sudden kindness. But she still had the problem of the man hiding in her kitchen. Assuming he was listening to the conversation, she addressed the woman.

:33 hey, fef, i think i’m gonna turn in. work was really tiring today.  
O)(, okay. I’ll see you in the morning t)(en.

She grabbed the discarded suit jacket off the back of the chair before the woman could notice, and darted through the kitchen. The man was waiting in the hallway, near the door to the girl’s room. He takes the jacket from the girl’s arms and gives her a quick peck on the cheek. Whispering a quick goodbye, he heads out the front door, opening it noiselessly and closing it quickly behind himself. The girl sighs. She plops down on her bed and falls asleep quickly, having fitful dreams.

The man walks down the street. All is quiet, but he can still hear his heart pounding in his chest. He reaches into his pocket for his phone, and scrolls through the contacts until he finds one labeled FUCKASS. Karkat, the man’s moirail, would not be happy with a call at this time of day, but the man needs his advice. He jams his finger into the call button, and the phone rings three times before the other end of the line picks up.

~~ ~~ ~~  
HEY, FUCKASS. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’ER DOING CALLING ME AT THIS TIME OF DAY?  
HeY, sOrRy To BoThEr YoU, bUt I nEeD sOmE hElP.  
OH, FINE, I’LL HELP YOU. I’M AWAKE NOW ANYWAY.

So the man tells the other about his relationship with the girl, and about deciding to clean himself up. His friend listens without interrupting until the man is done.

FUCK, MAN. WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME SOONER? I’M YOUR MOIRAIL. THIS IS A DECISION I SHOULD HAVE BEEN INVOLVED IN.   
SoRrY, mAn, It WaS a ReAlLy SuDdEn IdEa.  
OKAY, WHATEVER. JUST BE CAREFUL, OKAY?   
YeAh, I wIlL.   
NOT JUST WITH THE DRUGS THING. WITH NEPETA TOO.  
I wIlL bUt WhY?  
WE WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL TOGETHER.  
I kNeW tHaT.  
YEAH, BUT… FUCK. OKAY. WE DATED FOR A WHILE. AND… JUST DON’T BREAK THE POOR GIRL’S HEART LIKE I DID, OKAY? I MADE SOME MISTAKES IN THAT RELATIONSHIP.  
YeAh, OkAy. ThAnKs MaN.  
ANYTIME. I’M GOING BACK TO SLEEP NOW.  
WeLl I sHoUlD tOo.  
TALK TO YOU LATER DUMBASS.  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The line goes dead. The man is at his front door by now, and unlocks it. He slips into his house and heads straight for the bedroom. He is exhausted, both physically and emotionally, but the feelings jam with his moirail helped. He throws his clothes into the growing pile in the corner and climbs into the bed.

He is asleep before his head hits the pillow.


	14. Hope

The girl sleeps fitfully. She tosses and turns as visions infiltrate her mind and leave again. Most of the short dreams are impossible to decipher: blasts of color, wisps of sound, and unrelated emotion that swim through her thoughts. Others are simple, calming memories, like a picnic on the beach. The sound of waves crashing in the background; a salt mist perfuming the air.

Other dreams are frightening.

She is standing at the top of a skyscraper, looking down. In reality, the building may only be 30 feet tall. But her ragged imagination stretches it. She tumbles forward. She is falling.

The air flowing past her turns from a cloudy gray to a deep indigo, moving around her in rivulets. The sickly scent of iron invades her nostrils.

She is standing alone, in the dark. A harsh light suddenly falls on her, and she can see she is in a giant stadium. The walls of seats stretch up impossibly high, and there is no exit in sight. She is trapped. All she can hear is the sound of rough breathing.

Turning around slowly, she sees a figure in a black sweatshirt huddled against the curved wall. She backs away. The hooded figure sees her and gets up slowly, its breathing increasing in volume. It walks towards her.

The girl freezes in fear as the figure advances. Faster, faster it stumbles, catching itself before it hits the ground. She wants to run. She wants to hide. But she is stuck in place.

The figure reaches the girl, and places a light hand on her shoulder. She cannot see its face from under the hood. Suddenly, the light changes, and she can make out its features in the shadows. It leers at her with manic eyes, indigo blood dripping from three slashes across its face.

The girl screams.

She wakes up in a cold sweat. Her room is bright; it is already late morning. Her breaths come in short gasps. It was only a dream, she thinks. I’m awake now. It was only a dream. She reaches across her bed to grab her netbook, hoping her moirail is awake to help her, and then remembers. They had a fight, and she is still mad at him. And she knows what he would say about her dreams. How he would write them off as she subconscious telling her not to see the man, not to have him as a matesprit. She sets the netbook back down and sighs.

A quick glance at the clock tells her it is still very early, and the lack of noise outside her room tells her that the roommate is still asleep. She makes a snap decision to visit the man’s house. Throwing on a clean shirt and a pair of jeans, she hurries out of the house, careful to not make any noise. She leaves a short note for the roommate telling her she would be back later.

On the way to her matesprit’s house she stops at a coffee shop. She buys herself a sweet green tea and grabs a strong Columbian coffee for the man, assuming he will be tired and uncomfortable from lack of drugs. Sipping her tea, she walks silently to the man’s house.

The girl rings his doorbell and waits patiently. Scarcely two minutes later he answers the door. He is rubbing his eyes sleepily, and is wearing only pajama pants. With a silent look of mild surprise he lets the girl in, and takes the coffee that she offers. The hairs on his chest and back stand up as the cold breeze hits him. He closes the door quickly. Taking a gulp of the hot coffee, he follows the girl into the kitchen, and sits opposite of her at the table. The girl looks upset, and the man is concerned.

So, ChIcA, wHaT aRe YoU dOiNg HeRe So EaRlY?  
:33 i… i was having bad dreams… and i wanted to see you.  
AwWw… TeLl Me WhAt HaPpEnEd.

She tells him about her dreams. As she reaches a particularly frightening part, she stops for a moment. The man takes the opportunity to get up and gather the girl into a hug. Grateful, she leans into him, sighs, and continues her story. By the time she finishes she is emotionally exhausted. The man can see this in her face, and offers a small smile.

NePeTa, I wOuLd NeVeR eVeR hUrT yOu. Or ScArE yOu On PuRpOsE. i SwEaR.  
:33 oh… okay… thanks i guess. i wou--

The girl’s last sentence is cut off by the man’s lips crashing into hers. After a long moment he breaks the kiss and holds the girl at arm’s length. His gaze pierces the sudden rush of adrenalin that has hit her full-force.

I wIlL nEvEr HuRt YoU. iT’s GoNnA bE hArD, bUt I wAnT tO mAkE tHiS rElAtIoNsHiP wOrK. i WiLl MaKe It WoRk. I—

It is the man’s turn to get cut off. The girl notices the man no longer tastes of drugs and sugary soda, and that he is more careful in his movements. She decides this is all for the better, and vows to herself to stick through this. When the man is clean, once and for all, everything will be better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end! Thanks for those of you who've read all the way through!


End file.
